Water Flower | Piano Tribute

I will never play this piece again.

I wrote this piece back in 2009. Over the years, I hated this piece because of what it represented to me, the darkest years of my life. Whenever someone asked me to play it again, I told them no, it's too painful.

When my mentor hired me for the biggest performance of my life, he requested this piece as one of the slower, softer options. But I declined, saying that I could play any piece but this one.

When he passed away earlier this month, I started to think about how I could honor him. Canon in Dream & See You In Another Life were both dedicated to him. Still, I felt like something was missing.

Then I remembered this piece that he loved, this cursed, haunting piece which creates in me such pain that I could not bare to play even 2 measures of it.

Surprisingly, in the midst of this sadness, I found myself drawn to play this piece, but this time the meaning would be different. Instead of the torrential outburst of screaming into the darkness that this piece was before, this piece began to take on a new meaning, that of a sadness of a decade of my life which I now leave behind.

I imagined him listening from heaven. And as I played this piece, I felt the darkness being lifted from the piece, and I felt closure from this piece, as if his love for this piece had cast out the demons that I previously associated with it. I couldn't stop crying during the second half of this performance, and I even made some small mistakes.

When it was over, I thought, let me try to record another take to correct those mistakes. I tried to play again, but it was impossible to get through even the first 8 measures. This time I didn't feel pain or sadness. In fact, I didn't feel anything.

All my emotions in this piece are now gone. The conflicting energy from the cursed years of darkness, clashed with the sheer love and support from my late mentor, and created a vast emptiness where I feel nothing.

Therefore, there is no point in me ever playing this piece again.

Going forward, I will make this sheet music free for anyone to play. I'm always happy to listen to other people play my pieces, and even this one, I'm happy if they want to learn it.

All I ask is that if they do a performance or a recording on YouTube, that they mention to the audience the person that this piece is dedicated to: Andreas Schneider-Neureither, a wonderful, amazing man.